The Wrong E-mail


A man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Hearing the scream, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Bill Gates Died

When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.

One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royce's."

"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."

Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.

Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!"

"Yes, but we use Windows till this date," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once.

Great writer

Great Writer "There was once a young man, in his youth, his desire was to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages..........

Bill Gates Chair

Bill Gates died in an accident involving a misguided pie which was thrown at him by an angry Macintosh protester. Because of his achievements in life, it was decided that he should go to heaven.

God Personally showed Bill around heaven, displaying the Waterfalls, Great Forests, Lagoon's and Wet-T-shirt contests that are held regularly. Bill was impressed by all of them and kept nodding his head in approval, which pleased God because he enjoyed pleasing others.

When they finished the tour, God took Bill into his Throne room and sat down on the blindingly shiny throne. God asked Bill how he had enjoyed heaven so far, and Bill replied;

"It's been great, but you're in my chair."

ill Gates dies in a car crash and ends up in front in front of StPeter@heaven.com.
St. Peter says I don’t know what to do with you. You’ve created many jobs and helped a lot of people in the new electronic age, but you’ve also been a royal pain to some of our big contributers. I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you have a look at heaven and hell and choose for yourself.
So St. Peter shows Bill heaven, with the clouds and Angels and harps, and Bill thinks to himself: “OK, as far as it goes.”
Then St. Peter shows Bill hell, with scantily clad bathing beauties on a tropical beach with palm trees and Bill thinks to himself: “This is a no-brainer!”
So Bill says to St. Peter: “I’ll take hell!”
Two weeks later St. Peter thinks to himself: “I wonder how Bill is doing?”
So he drops by hell and finds Bill chained to a wall, consumed by flames and screaming in agony.
“Where are the bathing beauties, where’s the beach?” Cried Bill. “This isn’t what you showed me!”
“That”, said St. Pete, “was a demo.”

i like this one...

KUDOS!

There once was a girl from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When she was asked why
This was her reply:
It's because I always stuff as many words into the last line as I can.



There once was a man from Australia
Whose limericks ended in failure
They'd turn out just fine
Until the fourth line.



There once was a chap from West Bend
Whose limericks tended to end
Suddenly.



I know a young man from Peru
Whose limericks end with line two.



There once was a man from Verdun.

Martinis are back in fashion, so should the martini jokes be...

Wife to Husband:
"I remember the days when a Quickie Before Dinner did not mean Martinis."

A man and a little boy are walking into the woods at night. The boy start to cry. The man says "What are you, scared?" The boy nods, and the man says "Well how do you think I feel? I have to walk all the way back alone!"